


Promise

by Clusterbusterhustler21, DaBestBagel



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Creepy Hisoka (Hunter X Hunter), F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Manga & Anime, Other, Plot Twists, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Time Skips, WTF, Weird Plot Shit, What-If, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2019-11-29 01:16:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18216239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clusterbusterhustler21/pseuds/Clusterbusterhustler21, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaBestBagel/pseuds/DaBestBagel
Summary: Once upon a time, I was just a lazy, normal shitbag. Now, however, I’m just a lazy, animated shitbag.Written by Clusterbusterhustler21Edited/beta read by DaBestBagel





	1. Waking up

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to give all my appreciation for DaBestBagel for their amazing editing skills.  
> You came to me in my darkest hour and saved my life work and I pledge to forever recommend you to any author that comes my way definitely!

 

I'm waking up. My bed is unusually hard, cold and slightly damp.  Low chatter floods my ears.

 _'It reminds me of school, but I'm lying down, so I can't be in class...please tell me I wasn't kidnapped_.'

I rub the dredges of sleep from my eyes and, with some effort, slowly raise myself into a sitting position. I blearily open my eyes and see the fuzzy image of a large dirty chamber with a vaulted ceiling. There are oddly looking people of varying ages milling about, some in groups, some alone.

_'They look like they're waiting for something...So this is a dream then?'_

An idea springs to mind and I tensely look down at myself.

_'I'm still wearing my clothes...thank heavens it's not one of those dreams.'_

I sigh in relief.  
_'My clothes are filthy though.'_ I thought distastefully.  
I mope about my perfectly nice blue cloudy pyjamas being ruined for a few seconds before it finally occurs to me that I should be a little more worried about how real this dream feels. I'm not the lucid dreaming type. In fact, I barely dream at all.

I carefully check my surroundings and spot a small huddle of people about fifty feet away looking at me funnily. I resolve not to go over there anytime soon, so I continue looking and see an door open right next to me.

And out walks a boy I know I've seen before.

 _'Maybe I_  am _lucid dreaming...first time for everything, right?'_

The infamous boy, of course, notices me noticing him and gives me a  _look._

"Hi...?"

I take a moment to compute the greeting and absentmindedly nod. "...Hi...Do you have the time?"

 The white haired kid looks at his watch and tells me. I nod again and resolve that this  _is_ a dream, I  _will_  wake up, and before that happens,  _I'll_   _damn well make the best of it._

I decide to grip onto his hand tightly before he can walk away. He gives me another  _look_ , but eviler this time.

"Take me with you!"

"Wha-"

"My dad is Jesus! I demand that you take me with you! I can tell good knock knock jokes, I'm a great cook and I can predict the future!"  
Killua looks a bit scared now and i'm 98% certain he's going to kill me or kick my ass. Mainly because he's sending me his trademark  _look_ , evil all the way this time. 

"Let go." 

I persist. Dreams can't hurt you.

"Soon a green bean lookin' man is gonna give you a badge with the number 99 on it! Then you're gonna meet a kid named Gon Freecs, a blonde dude named Kurapika and an old lookin' guy named Leorio who's gonna accuse you of cheating!" 

"What? Stay away from me!" Killua uses his immense strength to pry me off. It hurts like hell.

_'I am doing this, and there's nothing any dream anime can do to stop me!'_

"Don't be so mean! I'm helping you out here!"

"Ex-excuse me, you two children?" We both turn to see the one and only Greene Beane and I give Killua a victorious smirk.  
He hands Killua his 99 badge, and takes his name before turning to me. I blink confusedly, pointing at myself. 

"What?”

 The bean gives me badge 100 and asks for my name. Of course.

"Greetings Greene Beane! My dad is Jesus!" I smile proudly before receiving a whack to the back of my head. "Dummy! It doesn’t matter who your dad is!" Killua just called me stupid.   
I giggle a little.

"Si-...Ma’a-...Please, I still need your name for the registry."

I gently clear my throat and think hard. "ClusterBusterHustler, atcha’ service." I see Killua aim a second slap and hurriedly correct myself. "Ahem...Al-...just call me Allan." Killua retracted his violence and the bean scribbled down the name on his list before awkwardly walking away. I pout at Killua "Gee, you don't have to hit me! domestic violence is forbidden in a loving home!" 

"What loving home? and how did you do that?"

"Do what?" I ask, still stuck to the ground.

"you know! that thing where you predicted my number!" He says accusingly.

I blink and realise I had to come up with an excuse. I can’t possibly tell him I’m having a dream because I'm not a rude prick. So I decide to give him the best excuse I can.  


"No."

Killua does a double take. "No? Why not?"

I stand and dust off my butt. "I can predict the future. I already told you that." 

"So you weren't lying..." He looks at his badge, pins it to his shirt then drags me along after him.

  _‘He’s loads taller than me.’_   I observe before I can fully process the situation.  
 

My brain finally catches up. "What-where are you taking me?" I squawk.

"Where does it look like? I'm taking you with me, I want to know if the other stuff you talked about will happen too!"  
I start regretting telling him so much. The floor is too damp and walking around in socks and PJ's is becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Mainly the socks.

 _‘This is a dream! You can’t feel in a dream! This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,_   _b_ _ut I'm starting to dread what’ll come next!_  
Killua and I walk for a little while longer and it's at this moment that Tonpa chooses to introduce himself.  


"Hello rookies! I'm Tonpa, and you could say I’m somewhat of a veteran to the hunter exam."   


I eye him with suspicion and start to tug at Killua’s hand. "We should go..." I mutter. My eyes widen when I see him already putting a can of poison juice to his lips. I frantically ninja chop the beverage out of his hands. We watch the can fall to the ground and Tonpa blinks at us. I give the old bastard the stink eye, lending him good reason to leave (which he does).

Killua looks to me in annoyance. "Hey! I was drinking that!" 

"Well you can't be drinking that! Ain’t you ever learned stranger danger?" I scold Killua who adverts his eyes as though I’m an old grandparent scolding their rambunctious grandchild.

"Eh, it's not like that laxative woulda worked anyway."

I take a long inhale. “I know that already! But as your friend, it would be bad friendshipping to not stop you from consuming poisoned stuff!"

After I'm done scolding Killua for his shitty deduction skills I notice his lack of response and turn around. "Are you listening to..."

Killua’s blushing. He's actually blushing. He's looking at me with his eyes all wide and his cheeks all pink and stuff.  


"What the hell? I'm scolding you! Stop being flattered when I'm trying to scold you!" This is not what I was planning...I can feel my own face turn a shade or two warmer and I quickly turn to hide my face. "it's not fair!"

Killua remembers the concept of words. "Why are you looking away?" He grabs my shoulder and turns me around, forcing my hands away from my face and there it was.

I peered up at his face angry as fuck. "Killua you’re so unfair~" I whine.

Killua turns redder and ninja chops my neck.  
The world goes dark before my eyes.

"Oh, shit..." Killua was looking at the boy? Girl?...he didn't know. What he did know was that he was standing there holding them up by their shoulder after knocking them unconscious. He didn’t understand why did that.  
Rain coloured eyes were covered as they slept. Killua had to pick them up so they were slumped over his back (for convenience’s sake, of course. No other reason.). Allan was unusually light for someone who looked their age, but at the same time they were the first person Killua had met who had the balls to take the exam in their pyjamas.

A man’s pained wail cut through the silence and Killua bore witness to a weirdo killing another weirdo before taking a few more cans from Tonpa, whom he gave a  _look_.  
He watched as Tonpa pushed away, terrified, and was reminded of when he gave the same glare to Allan. Allan hadn't even flinched at the glare or threat to his life.  
"You really are a weirdo, you know that?" Killua murmured to his still sleeping companion.   
The wall at the front of the chamber opened to reveal a tunnel and a tall man in a purple suit.

[FLOOP FLOOP FLOOP TIME SKIP FLOOP FLOOP FLOOP]  


After maybe 4 miles with Killua, leisurely rolling on his skateboard, spies a tall man with a briefcase starting to succumb to exhaustion. Killua shrugs and rolls away. as the man becomes irritated and yells after him, accusing him of cheating and calling his skateboard "A mockery of the exam". Killua slows down as Allan moans about candy in his sleep. “Y _ou are gonna meet a kid named Gon Freecs, a blonde dude named Kurapika and an old lookin’ guy named Leorio who is gonna accuse you of cheating!"_ Killua snaps back to the present with the voice of a young boy.

"Leorio, the examiner just told us to follow him, he didn’t say anything about how we would follow!" 

"Gon, you traitor!"

Killua looks to Gon. "How old are you?"   


"Hm? i'm 12!"   


"Oh, me too!"   
Gon curiously eyes Allan and Killua nods. "Yeah, I accidentally kinda knocked them out earlier." Gon smiles.  


"My name is Gon Freecs. What about you?" Killua was fully convinced now.   


"I'm Killua, and this is Allan. Be glad he's unconscious" Gon looks confused, but nods all the same.   
Allan, as if overhearing the conversation, frowned in his sleep and muttered something inaudible into Killuas neck.


	2. Piggyback

I drift gently back into consciousness, expecting to see my galaxy print pillow, or my plain lavender wallpaper. Instead, I see white hair and the mossy trunks of a misty forest.

 _'I'm still dreaming? Is this some sort of inception? well, my sleepy self is_ _a lecherous opportunist.'_ I nuzzle into Killua's hair, taking full advantage of the situation before I could be forced to face reality.

The reality was indeed forced with a set of flying cards impaling a monkey-man and, really, any sign of Hisoka's presence is a valid reason to panic accordingly.

I cry out a little and make myself as small as possible. "No, no, no...it's only a nightmare, there's no need to go to pieces..." I babble.  
"You're awake?" Killua's voice murmurs from by my left ear.

I whimper and hug him tighter.   
"I'm frightened...is the monkey man alright?" I weep.  _'Am I really still dreaming?_ _This is the first time I've woken up in a dream...a dream loop? What even is a dream loop?'_

"Hey, you okay Al?"  
I hug Killua tighter and shake my head. "Bro-bro..." I whine with urgency "Bro-bro...Mama..."   
Killua doesn't reply. His bangs cover his eyes and his grip on me tightens almost imperceptibly. 

 _'Calm down, Allan...you'll wake up soon...'_  
I rub my eyes and see Gon, Kurapika and Leorio looking at me, concern painting their expressions.

"Hey? Are you alright over there?" He gingerly places a hand on my back and starts gently rubbing in circles.  
I blush and decide to try and distract them from the fact that I'm crying in public. "Yeah...Did ya know my dad is Jesus?"

Leorio stops rubbing., "Who's Jesus?"   
Killua looks tempted to drop me.  
I shoot Leorio a disbelieving look of shock. "Aw, you poor, poor soul..." I pity.

"...My name is Kurapika, it's nice to meet you. Forgive me if this comes across as rude, but...why are you dressed like that?" Kurapika introduces himself and immediately launches into questioning.

I allow myself a grin and wiggle my sock clad toes. "I went to bed like this!" I answer mischievously.

Kurapika and Leorio look disbelieving so I turn to Gon. "Heyo~! you must be Gon! I'm Allan." 

Killua looked surprised that I was capable of actually introducing myself properly.

"Nice to meet you Allan! 'Scuse me for asking, but how do you know my name?"

I turn pale and internally cuss myself out. "I-I...Killua told me!" I blame Killua. 

Gon nods, accepting the lie, and I heave a sigh of relief.  
Killua frowns at me and I reply with an apologetic giggle.  
The marathon continues with me still on Killuas back. I thought for sure he was going to force me to run and I'm tempted to bring it up but decide against it.

_'I'd rather keep my socks as dirt-free as I can.'_

The time's come where the frog is gonna jump out and eat them. Well, like hell that'll happen! Not on my watch! But before I do that...

"Killua! I need to pee!" 

Killua stops running after a short quarrel and he puts me down. I grab his hand.

"What?" he tries to shrug me off.

"Stay here!"  _'I am not going to admit that I'm scared he'll leave. Because I am 200% certain he will. And if he does I am 500% certain I'm going to be molested or eaten or something.'_

I hop behind a bush, still holding his hand, and go.

"You done?" He asks, still not looking at me as we walk back over to Gon who was waiting.

"You guys should avoid that clearing over there." I point at the place they were going to run over and Killua nods with a sigh.

I try to run alongside them but quickly fall behind because 1, I was never good at running, 2, I'm only wearing socks and socks offer no protection from soaking moss, and 3, my feet are full of sharp splinters and my head hurts.

My ears are filled by a crescendo of ringing, as though I'm standing beside a tea kettle.

I stumble, waves of motion sickness crashing over me and sweeping me away. Killua notices and carefully picks me up and I'm content to let the world fade in and out whilst I lose focus.

(Later at the third phase) 

  
"Gon will be fine!"

Killua nods skeptically, denying fondness for the boy, and I give him a pointed stare.

"Killua darlin', don't think I don't see your eyes lookin' for him." I smile teasingly as he blushes and threatens to make me walk.

"Hey look! There's Leorio! Let's go over to him dearie!" 

Killua mutters curses as he carries me over to the wannabe doctor.

 _'Speaking of which...'_  "Did ya know Leorio wants to be a doctor?"

Killua gives me a  _look_. "How do you-...wait, exactly how much do you know?"

"Enough to last a lifetime" I snicker victoriously. "Hey Killua honey, can you please put me back down?

Killua lets me down and I pull off the filthy socks and toss them away. "Might as well let my toes run free in the breeze!" I feel the grass between my toes and grin joyfully. I don't notice Killua watching me frolic about like an idiot. Nor do I notice his eyes softening a fraction or two. Instead, I walk over to Leorio and poke him on the part of his face that's swollen, waking him up. I spy Gon and Kurapika and so I obviously tackle them both into a hug. "There you are! I missed you guys so so much!" Gon and Kurapika blush a little, but smile anyway. Gon hugs me right back and Kurapika rubs the top of my hair.

I look over at Killua, who's glowering a little, and wave him over.

"Yo Killua I found Gon!"

Killua walks up to us and takes my hand, pulling me away to sit next to Leorio.

Killua and Gon talk for a bit while I sit beside Killua daydreaming about food.

I turn a little pale when Satotz leaves, knowing what's next. "Agh, not the pigs!" I groan.

The others look at me for a moment before we advance into the estate.

Upon seeing the cooking stations, Kurapika looks at me curiously.

I end up standing next to him and Killua while Killua is busy talking to Gon. He's still looking at me weird.

_'Well, shit. Looks like he's onto me.'_

_'He's a really, really smart kid, but he's too self destructive. Emperor Time, the succession war...He'd do just about anything for his revenge. I can't not say anything to him. Somebody has to keep him healthy and safe and not dead. Without support and healing, the only path he'll choose is darkness. And to think that his only anchor to the light will be Gon, Killua, Leorio and Prince Woble...It saddens me.'_

Kurapika seems worried by the tears in my eyes. Seeing him so early on, before Yorknew, before  _anything_...I hug Kurapika, bawling my eyes out into his shirt-front. Kurapika hovers his hands over my back, not entirely certain what to do. 

"Make sure you always pick up your phone, ok? Don't you ignore calls and always remember you have lots of friends who'll love and support you no matter what!"

"Ah...yes?" Gon and Killua've halted their conversation and are watching us.

"Al." Killua pulls me off of Kurapika. I'm still weeping.

His anger seems to dissipate. "Moron" He says fondly. "What're you crying about now?"

I shake my head. "Just the... _thing_...I'll stop crying, I promise..."

Kurapika looks guiltily at the ground.

"Moron...don't make me worry like that."

I stop crying and nod. 

(time skippu)

I grip Killuas hand tightly, not looking forward to the pigs.

Gon runs ahead and, as I attempt to follow, I slip, rolling down a steep bank with the others in tow.

"Run!" I yelp and book it, a large pig right on my tail. I don't see the others, but I know they'll be fine.

And then I run right into Hisoka.

_'Huh...looks like the pigs're scared of him...'_

"The forehead! Their weakspot's in the forehead!" I squawk at the tall man, sitting on the ground and clutching onto his leg.

_'Dreams can't hurt you, Dreams can't hurt you..."_

The pig falls, a card stuck dead centre in it's forehead, and I blink.

"Woah! Your Nen is amazing!" I let go of his leg and rush over to the pig, reaching down and tugging the card out, inspecting it. I must admit it was kinda impressive watching it in action.

Hau~ It looks way cooler in person! You used nen to make the card sharper than a blade!" I don't realise I'm ranting, nor do I see Hisoka stare at me weirdly.

"It's kinda sad, really...you're way strong, but he's still gonna win! Then again, what can you expect from the goddamn leader of the Phantom Troupe? Gee, what I wouldn't give to see that fight in action!

"Oh?~ "

I stop talking and finally realise that Hisoka was right there, and that I just spoiled half his life in less than a minute. I turn to him, wanting to keep Mr. Pedobear in my line of sight, holding the card tight to my chest and backing away.

Hisoka follows, with a very,  _very_  dangerous look in his eyes. "You seem well informed, little one~and I don't believe we've ever met.♠️"

 _'It's just a dream! I refuse to be frightened_ _by a dream Hisoka!'_

"Well, I'm pretty darn s-special! You oughta be happy to be in the proximity of someone as enlightened as me!" I instantly and deeply regret opening my trap.

Hisoka has me forced against the dead hog by now and I aim a kick at the only place I can reach in retaliation "Away, devil spawn!" I release an undignified shriek when he easily blocks my attack.

He gently pushes my foot to the ground. "Care to elaborate,  _sweety?♥️_ "

The sickly sweet voice shouldn't frighten me, since everybody knows dreams cant hurt you...but at the same time, it  _does_. "I...have inklings...about some people...and they always turn out...s-so..."

Hisoka grins. "I see, and these inklings tell you...what?♠️" He closes in and I flush heavily pink.

I push at his shoulders to no avail "Y-you're too close...please let go."

Hisoka is grinning madly by now.

_'I can't read him at all...dear Lord, please tell me he's not upset..._

"Hm, then I'll tell you what, since I saved you, you now owe me. And since you now owe me, tell me a future event.♥️"

I guess his last name is off the table.

"Of course, it has to happen by the end of this phase.♠️"

I blink,  no longer scared for my life.  _'Looks like I'm still interesting enough to leave alive.'_ "That's it?"

Hisoka's eyes widen at my answer.

I crack my knuckles. "Okay weirdo, when we get back to the examiner, nobody is actually going to pass this phase, instead we're all going to jump off a cliff to get a thing. Also the chairman's gonna ogle the examiners tits or whatever and do ya wanna hear about the loud jerk who'll get punched because you creep the hell out of the examiner?"

Hisoka blinks, nonplussed.

I click my teeth shut. "I gotta learn some self control!" I chide myself.

Hisoka smirks and stands up, so I blink and scramble to stand too. But not before Hisoka can grin and say "oh by the way ♥️~"

"What? " I ask warily. If I could get away with it, I’d punch him.

He harshly tugs the front of my shirt, making our lips lock. I freeze stiff, all the blood flooding to my head as he grabs ahold of me. The kiss grows a step dirtier as he forces his tongue past my lips, tangling it with my own.  
This dream was getting to feel both surreal and realistic...far, far too realistic.

Hisoka and I part, and with a wink he stalks away with the pig over his shoulder and the card I had been holding in his hand, leaving another one in its place.

I look down at what I’m holding to find the ace of hearts with a number scribbled on it.

I just sit there on the wet grassy earth, blinking like an idiot. When I finally process what just happened however, I flop huffily onto the dirt, kicking and yelling into it. My temper tantrum finished, I sit back up (still huffily).

_’My first dream kiss was just thoroughly stolen by a pervert!_ _I don’t think I’ve ever been more glad to be dreaming. Man, my heart is pounding...I guess this is more of a nightmare than I thought.’_

I shove the card into my pocket and wipe at my lips just as Gon finds me.

"Allan! over here! are you okay?" Gon calls out.

I ignore him, still mourning the death of my innocence.

Gon drops his pig and hunches down in front of me, his voice concerned and sympathetic. "Hey, you okay?"

I feel my lips quiver as I nod. "I'm fine..."

He holds out his hand and helps me up. I clutch on tightly and he looks at me in worry "Are...you sure you’re okay?" I nod silently but don't move.

_‘What's wrong with me?’_

"Oi, Gon! did you find Al?" I hear Killua from a short distance ahead.

I call out to where I know he is, if the pig visible above the bushes is anything to go by. Killua drops it and jogs over "Geez! Moron, you made us run all over looking for you!" I smile slightly and let go of Gon's hand. "Sorry...I was running from the pigs and got lost."

Killua sighed. "Well, let's go back already."

I nod and follow them, shaking off the creeping notion that this could be anything other than a long, long dream.


	3. Closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: ATTEMPTED SEXUAL ASSAULT

I stick as close to Killua as I can and don't catch a pig, it’s not like it’ll do anything for me. I don't say much either, instead I clutch Killua’s shirt. He lets me, but doesn’t say anything. Gon continues trying to talk to me, and soon enough I’ve pushed my experience to the back of my mind and enjoy watching everybody fail. Menchi does yell at me for not bringing a pig, though, but even that’s a welcome distraction from my thoughts.

After punching out a guy and failing everyone like I knew she would, Netero jumps down from the blimp, stares at Menchi's tits and convinces her to let us retake the test. She brings us all to the split mountain and I hug Killua closer in apprehension for what I know will come next.

_‘Do I even have enough strength in my hands to hold on?’_

I notice Hisoka in my peripheral, just  _watching_  me unreadably. I shiver and the memories that I’d been able to suppress up to that point flood my memory. I fill my mind with as many insults for him as I can to distract myself again.

Somehow,  _somehow_  I manage to grab an egg and hold on.

_‘I goddamn love dream physics.’_

"You guys all better’ve seen that, because I am  _never_  gonna do it again." I hug the large egg while curled in a fetal position on Killua's lap. My nerves feel like they’re vibrating and my limbs are trembling. I cry into Killua's shoulder.

Eventually we all climb back on board the blimp and I start wildly stuffing my face. Killua and the others look at me in hesitation to get too close, fearing following the wave of food rolling into me.

"Where’s it all go?" Killua whispers to Gon, who just shrugs and loads a tray of his own.

I’m in a food coma and therefore out of commission for the evening so Killua and Gon go to explore on their own. I, of course, know where they’ll end up and decide to catch a few Zs, not worrying about their safety for once.

About two or three hours later I wake up having to use the bathroom.

_‘This is weird...it's all a dream, why aren’t I awake by now?’_

————————————————————————————————

I look at the clock. "I should meet up with Killua and Gon.” I yawn. “He should be done with Netero by now..." I’ve turned off the bathroom light and am heading for the other wing of the airship when I’m roughly pulled inside a small room. I cry out before a hand roughly covers my mouth. I struggle to the best of my ability, fearing for my life.

It's not Hisoka. As a matter of fact, it’s not anybody I know at all. It's two men who smell like beer and criminal intent. One is holding me while the other struggles with my pants and panties. By the time the guy has a clear view of my junk and slaps me, I’ve already started mumbling plaintively through the hand over my mouth.

The other man seems to lose interest, half-heartedly slaps me, and leaves, muttering angrily. The door shuts behind him and I hear his rage fade away in the distance. The one holding me isn’t as appalled as his friend, rather quite the opposite. He's panting and unbuckles his pants, snapping me out of my daze and causing me to wail, the sound lost through the door.

I struggle with renewed vigour and do all that I can to keep him away. I bite whatever small amount of his palm I can get between my teeth and earn a few more hits. I don’t know why I’m not screaming. I don’t think I want anyone to see me like this.  _But I don’t want this to happen_.

No sounds can be heard in the dark except for my struggling and his panting, and in that commotion something heavy falls and hits him in the back of his head so hard it shatters.

He freezes, and then slowly slumps against me. We both slide to the floor.


	4. Fragmentation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: AFTERMATH OF ATTEMPTED SEXUAL ASSAULT

 

He's on me.

**_He's on me._ **

 

I don't know how long I sit in the dark with Him on me. I can't think. I can't move. I can't breathe. Until finally, my mind begins to return from the small corner where it had been hiding. And I remember that  ** _He could wake up._**  I shove Him away from me and skitter back, still half dressed, trembling, feeling like a wound spring.

I pull my clothes back on. I don't know if I can open that door. I feel like a solitary inmate, about to leave their cell. My entire life feels fuzzy compared to this darkened room, filled with fear-smell and  _Him_. I want to go, I'll feel better if I  _go._

 ** _'Things won't be the same.'_  **Whispers a part of me I'm sure wasn't there before this.  _' **They'll know. They'll think you're dirty.'**_

 

I place my hand, slippery with sweat, on the doorknob.

**_'Wouldn't it be easier to just let Him wake up? You won't ever have to feel again.'_ **

 

I don't want to know what it means. I tighten my grip.

**_'Do you honestly think you can live out there after this?'_ **

 

My resolve is steely, but my shoulders are shaking.

 

**_'Stay in here and rot. Rot with Him. You're just as filthy.'_ **

I throw open the door.

 

I run.

 

I run and run. My eyes burn and my vision blurs. My ears are ringing. The marks on my face that I just  _know_ are noticeable feel burningly cold. The pain of them seems to consume me alive.

 

_' **Why didn't you react like this to Hisoka? You know his game.'**_

 

The presence in my mind comes back with a vigour.

I pass the bathroom that I left before  _this_. It's safe. It's familiar. I dive inside and promptly collapse, violently retching on the floor. Nothing comes out. My heartbeat is deafening and heavy. I can feel it pounding in my eyes, my fingers, my temples. That voice overlaps and loops in my mind, until I can no longer understand what it's saying. It’s a small mercy. My lungs feel as though they're trying to turn inside out. My legs are numb from running.

My eyes close, and I cry. I wail and I sob and I scream, until my throat is aching and sore. I don't open my eyes.

Slowly,  _slowly_ , I stop crying. I stop shaking. I just lie curled on the floor, unmoving. I have no energy, not even to drag myself over to a wall to prop me up.

 

This is how Killua finds me.

Curled on the floor of a dark bathroom, dead-eyed, bruised, and quite obviously not okay.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

Killua feels his heart freeze.

He carefully crouches down before the immobile boy. Some of the red marks on his face, particularly a large one on his cheekbone, have very obviously bruised. Killua has to resist the urge to pull down Allan's collar, which quite clearly has strangulation marks peeking out from under it. Gingerly, as though he's afraid that Allan will bolt, Killua places a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Allan finally snaps out of his trance. He recoils from the touch at first, but after he has a few seconds to get his bearings, wraps his arms tightly around Killua's waist.

Killua isn't naive. He's well aware of a sicko's one-track mind. He knows their types. And Allan's petite, coltish frame and soft, childlike grey eyes are the fondest dreams of a pervert.

 _'God, I’m such a damn moron...I should’ve been more careful.’  
_On the way back to their room, Killua gently starts asking questions, his moral reservations not to make Allan relive his experience unable to keep his curiosity down.

"Who did this?"

"I...I couldn't...see well. It...was dark." Allan's hands shake in contrast to his disconnected tone.

"Hush, hush, breathe. I'm sorry I asked."

 

"...Killua?"

“Yes?”

"...Thanks." 

Killua’s rage, bubbling below the surface of his mind until now, finally build up enough pressure to blow the lid off the pot.

**“Allan.”**

He doesn’t speak.

**“Did you see their tags?”**

 

Allan tenses up, his soul retreating behind his eyes for a split second and his breath catching.

“I...I wasn’t paying attention...I don’t even know if they had them.”

He looks like he just wants to sleep.  
Killua carefully sets Allan down on the bed in their cabin and backs away, sitting in a chair on the other side of the room. Keeping silent vigil.

Allan sleeps undisturbed.

 

**/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\**

I awake sprawled peacefully on a bed, Killua still in the chair. A blanket has been laid on top of me. It looks to be from another bed

"Morning, Allan."   
I acknowledge him with a soft hum. My pyjamas feel neater and cleaner, obviously washed at some point during my sleep. I try not to feel invaded.

_  
‘He’s only trying to help, Allan. He’s not good with emotions.’_

 

_‘ **He’s like Him. He’ll try to-‘**_

I drown it out with my own, physical voice. "Where are the others? How long was I out for?" 

Killua makes a weird face. "You don’t know already?”  
I struggle to come up with a good excuse through my hazy, sleep drenched mind.

"It doesn't work like that Killua. I can’t see everything, especially not stuff to do with myself.”  
He nods in understanding, but I could feel frustration in his silence.

"Did you tell them?" I weakly inquire, desperately hoping he hadn’t.

"No."

I relax a little, but realise something and tense right back up.

 _‘Oh, Gods almighty, please no!’  
_I frantically try to climb down from the bed only to be stopped by Killua.

"What are you doing?"

"I need to know if Gon's okay!" Killua places his arm in front of my chest.

"There's no need for that."

I pause and look at his smug smile.

  _‘Oh, right...’_

Guilt overwhelms any questions as to how he found them. He didn’t want to really kill much anymore, and I made him break whatever moral code he’d just started to form. I lean slightly towards him in apology, still too afraid to actually touch him.

**_‘He’d have killed anyway. You didn’t make him do shit. He’s just trying to protect Gon. You’re worth nothing to him.’_ **

I discreetly dig my nails into my palms to focus. “I’m so sorry...”  
Killua just smiles tiredly.

 

 


	5. Choice

I have a choice to make. I can either let the timeline run its course, or I can intervene and stop Leorio from squandering twenty hours to feel up a chick.

_‘Yeah, I don’t wanna see that, so I’ll go right on ahead with my plan. It shouldn’t change too much if we pass a little early, as long as I keep things under control. Maybe...I could even prevent Kite’s death? Save Gon?’_

I absentmindedly glance around at the examinees milling around the tower, not noticing that I’ve stopped following the others.

 _‘But how will I get down there with them? Tonpa needs to be there, or else another hunter will draw Leorio’s number and I won’t be able to help. I have to find a route down on my own or go at the same time as somebody else...I don’t know what to do! I want to stay with them, but I know they’ll be_ ** _just fine without me...’_**  That voice blends with my own mental dilemma. I push it down and bite the inside of my cheek, which has started to bleed. I’ve tried digging my nails into my hands before, but Kurapika noticed and swiftly put a stop to it.

"What’re you looking around for, Allan?" Killua takes my hand and pulls me after the others.

I smile awkwardly. "I'm trying to figure out what I oughta do...hey, you guys saw the trapdoors, right?"

"Yeah, I did!” Blurted Gon.

 _‘Have I really barely interacted with him till now? Unbelievable. I’m trying to plan how to save this kid and he barely even knows me?_ ** _I really haven’t even tried to invest in this poor idiot?’_**  There it is again. I bite down hard on my cheek.

"There are five trap doors over there, we should take them." I grab their hands and pull them over to the doors, calling over to Leorio and Kurapika. Gon explains ‘my’ discovery.

I grin fakely at Gon and Killua "If we take these doors we won't fail the test." With that, I push them each over to their tiles. "We'll all jump on the count of three!" I decide for them and pretend to stand on a trapdoor. They jump and vanish.

I feel really dumb.

I wonder what they’re saying...I try listening trough the floor, but hear nothing. Looks like I’ll be waiting for Tonpa a few hours.

After an immeasurably long time, I’m looking at the other examinees in boredom. Hisoka and others I’m familiar with have already found their door.  
Tonpa rushes over, certainly spotting me near the trapdoor and an idea pops into my head as he tries to push me. I step back and grab onto his shirt as he falls in. Tonpa, as expected, lands on Leorio and I land on Tonpa. I quickly and uncomfortably remove myself from touching either of them.

Killua’s sitting next to Gon and I give them a weak but smug grin.

"So did ya miss me? I know you missed me!" 

Killua stomps up to me with a  _look_  and whacks my head lightly.

“Moron!”


	6. Picnic

__I gape in confusion at the table, where there is an extra watch laid out for me to take. I give the camera a _look_. "This room is majority rule, right?" The camera doesn't say anything, but I continue anyway. "So why, pray tell, in a test made for five people, are six watches?"

 The examiner finally deigns to answer. "There were supposed to be five, but seeing as you managed to fall through the same door as number sixteen, another watch was brought out."

I brighten up.  _'Oh, that makes sense...but how'd they get it there without me seeing?...Meh, they're the Hunter Association. How do they do anything?'_

"Allan?"

I turn to Gon and smile. "Just call me Al, darlin'! We  _are_  friends, after all!"

Gon smiles back. "Al, how'd you know about the watches before you fell in?

I freeze, smile still plastered awkwardly on my face.  _'Ah shit! And I can't blame this one on Killua either!'_ An idea blinks into existence. "There's five trapdoors. One watch per person!"

' _They don't believe you.'_  I grit my teeth and block it out.  _'I have to tread carefully. My being here could change the course of the whole series...but as long as I stop Leorio, we'll be okay for now.'_

 

/\/\/\/\/\FIVE HOURS LATER/\/\/\/\/\

"I'm sooo tired!" I whine as I trudge behind my party.  _'Lord, when're we even gonna get to the room with the prisoners?'_

I glance at Gon and let my mind wander.  _'When'll I go home? Will I leave before I can even make a difference? How am I gonna change things in the first place? I'm so weak...should I tell them-no. Maybe I should omit certain details, like I did with Hisoka?'_ My eyes flicker briefly to Tonpa.  _'I shouldn't stress about him. He'll fail and we won't see him ever again-well, Killua will, next year._ _Killua already knows, and so far he hasn't said anything...but it could help us...it could help them...'_

I stop walking. "Guys?"

Leorio stops and faces me. "Yeah?"

I tear my gaze away to Killua and he eyes me back. "I...I have something to say." I hesitate. It feels like I'm walking on shards of glass to reach the words I need. I spot the door to the room where shit will go down.  _'They have to be on time.'_  My mind turns Leorio and I think.  _'If I take Leorio's place and we don't lose those hours...Leorio will have to face someone else. What if that someone is a really bad person? I never thought of that..moreover, if I tell them, will they stop valuing me as a person? Just keep me around for future knowledge?'_

"N-Nothing...it's nothing." I feel frightened and useless.  _'C_ _an't I just go home? Is this even a dream? Why won't I wake up? If this is a dream, that night sure seemed real...'_

We reach the combat room, and on the other side wait the prisoners. I feel lost and gaze at Killua with knowing fear.  _'I'm so goddamn selfish...even in a place where I have nothing but these people, I'm selfish. I should tell Killua about Illumi. I should stop Leorio. I should talk to Netero about NGL and the Chimera ants. With the things that I know...the suffering of a lot of good people could be avoided so damn easily.'_

"Hey Killua?"

"What?"

I don't look at him, but I can feel his eyes boring into me. I can feel my heartbeat in my fingertips again. It dredges up bad memories, and I have to fight to shove the voice down. "Killua, about...I mean, I-well, I..."

Killua raises his eyebrows in concern. "What is it? You can tell me."

I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. "H-He's here..." I murmur so the others won't hear. They're busy talking with the prisoners and examiner.

Killua sighs, seeming to grow a little impatient. "Who's here?"

I keep my eyes downcast, and try to summon up a name that, just a few days ago, barely meant anything to me.

"Who?"

"Illumi."

Killua freezes. He doesn't speak, he just looks at me. Willing something from me in a facial expression I can't decipher. "How long have you known?"

I try my best to answer convincingly. "B-Back on the blimp, I was looking for you and...I..I  _saw_..." I'm shaking. I don't want to say anything more.  _'Why would I tell him that? Of course he wouldn't take it well!'_

I'm too nervous to remain this close to Killua. Too fearful to even look at him. I can tell that he's furious. So, without thinking, I dash over the small bridge towards a completely unfamiliar figure, passing Tonpa who was about to volunteer to go first.

Killua stops glaring and his eyes widen.

Tonpa actually looks a little worried. "Kiddo! What do you think you're doing?"

The other three clamour worriedly, while Killua just stands there speechless.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Damn! you are super tall!" Is the only thing I can think to say as I face my opponent, a tall, gaunt woman with mad eyes. I have no clue what'll happen, and feel a surge of nerves hitting me as I come to the realisation that I don't have the upper hand here. The voice tries to say something, but I shake my head violently. "Okay, here goes nothin'."

Gon looks sick, but smiles encouragingly regardless. "G-Good luck Al! You can do this!" 

I try to believe him. "Alright, what sort of match do you propose?" The woman  peers down at me with a glint in her eyes. My face falls almost imperceptibly, before I catch myself and quickly re-plaster the false nonchalance to my demeanour.  _'I don't like the way she's looking at me...'_

"I'm hungry."

"Ah, I'm sorry. I don't have any food." My brain doesn't catch up to my mouth.

"So hungry..." She slightly raises a bony hand. The implications dawn on me.

I want to go back to my friends and feed her Tonpa, but the bridge has retracted. "Um...well, why don't we play a game?" I mentally kick myself.

She smiles. Her teeth are very stained. "Yes. But if I win. I will eat. You look good. Little child."

I can feel the others' helpless worry from across the pit.

I sit, and the woman hesitates for a moment before she does the same. She starts. "I am going. On a picnic. And I will bring. Some meat."

 _'Okay, I know this game. I'll be fine.'_ "I'm going on a picnic and I will bring some...meat and fruit." I calm my racing heartbeat and focus all of my attention on the game. We reach twelve words. Twenty. Thirty-four.

"...Wine, ice cream, sandwiches, soup, and..." She stops smiling.

I beam, adrenaline rushing through my blood at the win. "Guys! Guys, look! I won!" I forget why I ran into the ring as the sign pings, ending the match in my favour and I scamper onto the bridge, which has rolled out.

"I'M. HUNGRY!"

My friends scream. I can't move as her blunt, yellowed teeth clamp down on my upper arm. I'm completely numb. My mind is blank and silent. The world's visuals are out of sync with its sounds. She's almost bitten a sizeable chunk out of my arm by the time Killua rips off her lower jaw. His eyes are sharp as her gurgling body loosens it's grip and rolls over the edge, almost taking me with it. I don't hear an impact.

The others rush over to us. I don't move. I can't.

Leorio dashes onto the bridge and tentatively reaches for my arm. His hand is sharply smacked away, the sharp sound accompanied by a warning.

**"Don't you touch him."**

All sound in the room cuts off. The prisoners' eyes burn holes in my skin from under their hoods.

Leorio takes a calming breath. "He needs antibiotics, otherwise the wound will get infected. Worse case scenario, that means losing the arm."

The bridge isn't quite wide enough for Gon to reach us, but he silently reassures Killua, who seems to have come back to himself and looks like he's going to cry. I turn quietly to Leorio and present my arm. He wordlessly opens his suitcase and cleans the wound, looking like he'll be sick when he starts to pick out the shards of broken teeth the convict left behind. It hurts, but it helps ground me. I try to keep my shaking to a minimum, but that doesn't stop the tears, which soak into the shoulder of Killua's shirt.

Leorio gently staples and binds my arm and gives me some pills. "It's deep, but I don't think he'll need a blood transfer. Just let him rest for now."

We go back across the bridge.

It's somebody else's turn.

 

 

 


	7. Bed Of Roses

_"There, this should do the trick. For now, just try to rest."_ _Leorio instructed after his first aid was applied._

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

My mind is sluggish and unfocused as I lay in Killua's arms like a puddle of tired goo. Gon, Kurapika and Tonpa had all fought as planned, so far marking the scoreboard two wins and two losses.

Killua looks very unhappy. It seems like he wants to talk. I don't. I try to extricate myself from his grip, though only succeed in squirming closer. I drift off.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I wake up on a thin black floor couch, covered by a lilac blanket.

_'Wait a minute...'_

My eyes drift around my surroundings, blearily surveying the darkened space. The layout is comfortably familiar, though it is a little strange seeing it from the other side of the screen. I try to lay my head back down, but the image of the woman breaks through my shellshocked mind. My neck aches from craning it to see the room, and my arms tremble, unused to the weight they're having to carry.

Gon and Killua are situated on either side of me, asleep. Kurapika, Leorio and Fatman are also visiting Hypnos' domain. My eyes wander back to Killua and guilt weighs me down, settling thickly in the pit of my stomach. It feels as though I've swallowed a marble and it's caught in my throat. My wound shoots lightning rods of pain up and down my arm as the muscles around it strain to keep me propped up.

"How d'you feel?"

I tense a little but lay carefully back down, meeting barely open blue eyes. "I'm sorry 'bout before."

His eyes widen just enough that he looks about half-conscious. His gaze presses me for the reasoning behind my unsolicited apology.

“I told you about Illumi, and I thought I was helping, but I just made you upset andI’msosorry-”

 “It’s not your fault!” He breaks eye contact, as though he’d spoken louder than he’d meant. “I’m glad you told me.”

I can’t see well in the dark, but he might be slightly blushing.

“Moron.” It sounds like an afterthought.

I smile thankfully. If we were even an inch further apart he may not have seen it in the darkness. His complexion is definitely flushed at this point.

“Stop looking at me like that!” He mumbles as harshly as he can, obviously trying not to wake Gon, who’s started to shift in his sleep. “You don’t have to be so careful around me. Besides, it’s not like you can help knowing this stuff.”

His words give me pause, but I decide to ask anyway. “Am...am I selfish for keeping quiet?”

He seems taken aback, though he’s certainly been expecting this question. He knows what I mean by keeping quiet.

“I really do want to help...I care about you, and Gon, and Kurapika, and even Leorio so much...” I confess and fiddle with the blankets. It feels strange to have this sort of conversation with a fictional character. But it’s a good kind of strange. I don’t feel as self conscious. So I continue. “I’m so scared...none of you even know me, but I...” I want to tell him, but I settle for a half-truth. “...But I...I’ve known all of you for so  _long_...”

 _He’s under a lot of stress right now, this isn’t the time.’_  I justify.  _ **‘Selfish coward.** ’_ I discreetly dig my nails into my palms. “I just...I don’t wanna fuck this up and end up alone.”

After a pregnant pause, he reaches behind my head and guides my face down into the crook of his neck. I begin to turn my head a little to be able to breathe better, but my breaths are shaky with barely-held-back relieved sobs. I conceal their sounds in his shirt.

“I had a sister...”

_‘Why would he bring up Alluka at a time like this?’_

“She was only a year younger than me and we’d play all the time...”

My confusion is palpable.

The (too rough for its age, far too rough) hand that isn’t cupping the back of my head finds its way to my upper back. “She had a strange power, just like you do. She could make any wish come true.”

**_‘Had.’_ **

“She could do anything. She was really funny...and so kind...the kindest.”

He feels my unspoken question from the new tension in my shoulders.

"My family found out about her powers and tried to understand how they worked, and they deemed them too dangerous to control." Killua buried his face in my hair. His next words are muffled, and thick with emotion. “Because we can’t kill family, father decided to lock her away. To protect her and us from ‘bad influences’. A servant got to her first and...she didn’t...” His voice trails off. He doesn’t cry, but he’s a child regardless of training. His loss and need for comfort are as clear as day.

I melt into his embrace, gently wrap my arms around his lower back, and rub slow circles into the skin there.  _‘I can’t say anything to make his sadness any better, but I can at least do something.’_

**_‘He’s using you. You’re a replacement, a disembodied shoulder to cry on.’_ **

I can’t do anything to stop the voice that Killua won’t notice, so I endure it and focus on comforting him. We stay like that for a while, comforting each other, as the voice runs gleefully amok in a place where only I can hear it. Nobody but us will know this ever even happened. It’s both comforting and terrifying. No words need be said, in a rare moment of true peace.


	8. Say or not

"So...this is a long time to be stuck in a room. How d'you guys suggest we pass the time?"

"We could tell some stories, or I can just watch y'all and shoot balled up paper at Tonpa." The bastard shoots me a  _look_ , which I ignore.

"Why'd you decide to take the exam?" Gon seems like he's been wanting to ask for a while. The question's so straightforward that there's no room for lying. Very Gon-like.

I plaster an idle smile on my face and close my eyes, hiding my panic at the question behind them. "Actually, I just sort of...woke up there. When I told you I went to bed like this, I wasn't fibbing." I take the opportunity to slowly begin to cement myself as somebody whose temperament belies their mystery. "Then Killua walked out the elevator and fell for my charms the second he laid eyes on me!" I simper saccharinely at the boy in question, who glares back semi-playfully.

Gon makes his signature confused face.  _‘_ _God, I never noticed how trippy anime is. The artstyle changed completely...'_ "Eh? But when I met you both, Killua was carrying you on his back!"

Killua turns pinkish.

"Killua's a sweetheart! It's such a pity he has the bad-boy attitude, he's such a pleasant boyfriend without it!"

His entire face is red up to his ears. "B-boyfriend? Allan!"

Gon and Kurapika are both thinking. Leorio's snickering is almost drowned out by Killua's flustered indignation, but more and more people in the room echo it. Soon enough, everyone but Killua is giggling. Even Kurapika.

"Okay, okay." The Kurta chokes out through his chuckles. "Somebody said something about stories, right? Why don't you go first, Allan?"

_'He must've taken pity on Killua to change the subject that fast. His empathy seems to have improved. Would he act like that even if I hadn’t come here?'_ "Eh, no harm in it, I guess. My life and family are decently normal, or at least uneventful, by any standard. I live...quite a ways away from here. The only weird thing is that I have seven siblings and live alone, mostly."

"What's your family like?"

_' **Oh, Kurapika. Of course you wouldn't ask about anything we didn't mention. Always so polite.'**_

I tune out the voice's sickly sweet tone and reference of "we", despite wanting to vomit. "Well...I guess the best way to describe most of us would be...we're all the same  _brand_  of crazy, just varying levels." I carefully avoid giving specifics.

Kurapika doesn't push further, but Leorio does. "Do you have any favourites?"

At least I can answer this. "Not to sound rude, but...yeah. My big brother Alonzo. He can be kind of a butthead sometimes, but his heart’s...in the right place.”

It seems they can all sense my discomfort at the subject. Tonpa, of course, doesn’t care. “So, how’d ya get  _here_? We’re you kidnapped or somethin’?”

I ignore his subtle jab at my competence and I can feel my stress at the line of questioning bleeding into my expression. My shoulders tense up. “Mmh...maybe?”

Kurapika’s expression is somewhere between grave and curious. “You don’t know?”

The tension in the air is making me increasingly defensive. “Look, man. This isn’t even my home  _continent_ , I couldn’t have made a journey like that and never have even  _noticed_.”  _‘I’m even starting to convince myself that this isn’t some sort of lucid fever dream. Why did Alonzo have to teach me to lie so damn well?’_

I’m bordering on a panic attack. I can feel it, but I can’t stop. My breathing is shallow and manual, and I can feel my toes touching each other. Tonpa seems quietly pleased by my turn of mood.

I bare my teeth in a rough approximation of a grin and eject myself from the situation. “I need to go to the bathroom, so we can finish this discussion now.”

Killua gingerly holds my shoulder, trying his best to calm me down. The voice screams at me to shrug him off, and continues even after I’ve tuned it out. I lean into him, and the others (except for Tonpa) join the embrace. Leorio has a look on his face like he wants to comment on the sappiness of the situation, just to save face, but loves the group too much to ruin the moment. I’m the first to break away, discreetly carving crescents into my left palm with my fingernails.

“Al...please take this more seriously.”

“We wanna help.”

I stand up and shoot a smile of fake confidence and real affection at the two boys. “C’mon, I don’t wanna hear that from the kids who’re gonna give chase to a whole-ass crime syndicate only a year from now!” My teeth click shut. “Anyhoo, I  _really_  do need to go powder my nose, so...”

“What syndicate?”

I zip into the bathroom and lock the door.

“Al!”

“ _Boop_...the number you have dialled is temporarily out of service. Conversation has been confirmed as filed and highly corrupted. Please refrain from calling again after the tone.  _Beep.”_

“Allan, I swear to god, if you don’t come out and tell me what’s wrong I’ll kick this door off it’s hinges!”

“What’s wrong? Killua, sweetness, I’m just taking a bathroom break here!” I know the door can’t hold him. It’s one of the downsides of having superpowered friends. So I crack the door and peer abashedly at the irritated blue eyes of one of the few people I can trust in this place. “Well...could I maybe have a quick word with you first?” He nods. “Is it really a good idea to tell them about my...little quirk?”

He sighs and gently opens the door against my feeble attempts to keep it closed. “You’re asking me? You’re the one who has all that future-sight stuff, aren’t you?” His voice is low and soft.

He steps out of the way, motioning me towards the group. I acquiescence and sit down on one of the pillows. The eyes on me feel understanding, even as they burn with unspoken questions.

I sip from a glass to ease the tightness in my throat, not knowing what to say. My gaze falls on Killua. The nod I receive is almost imperceptible, but comforting nonetheless.

Leorio gingerly inches closer. “What crime syndicate?”

"Let's forget about that." Gon asserts with a not-uncharacteristic finality that nonetheless gives Leorio pause. He grins and ruffles my hair. "You know Al always comes out with weird stuff when he's flustered."

"Are you calling me a person of nonsense?" I grin.

He knows. Damn animal hearing. Still, nothing can be done.

**_‘He’ll use you.’_ **

I gnaw on my cheek, send an innocent smile to everyone and hope that Gon keeps the secret.

_‘I’ll tell them later.’_


	9. Solidarity

Our time in the room is up, and I've resigned myself to messing with the hem of my pajama top in order to avoid itching my bandaged feet or moving my injured arm. Killua and Leorio are arguing over something or other, and since they're busy and Kurapika's probably still antsy from his fight (and I don't want to even look at Tonpa) ...

"Hey, Gon?"

His head turns to me. "Hm?"

"Thanks, about earlier. You saved me from a conversation I wasn't ready to have."

"Yeah, no problem. Sorry I listened in. My ears are really good though, so I don't think the others heard." He apologizes in the most unapologetic way, but it doesn't sound at all rude.

"Thought so. Sorry about not telling you earlier, people tend not to react that well."

**_'You've only told two people before this. Why do you paint yourself into a corner every time you lie?'_ **

I continue speaking, this time a fraction louder than my previous murmur. I'll never admit that the voice has a point. "Of course, I'll tell Kurapika and Leorio eventually, but I'm gonna do that when they trust me enough to know I won't screw them over. So, I'd like you to promise to keep it secret until then."

I see agreement in his eyes as he throws an arm over my uninjured shoulder. Such obvious pure, unadulterated understanding, at least to him, is clearly more binding than words. My relief dissolves the tension in my face that I didn't know was there before, and I know with absolute certainty..."This means we're friends now."

He beams. "Yep."

Kurapika, who isn't preoccupied, shoots our whispered conversation a suspicious side-eye, but I give the biggest, stupidest grin I can muster and his posture melts into ease. My grin relaxes a bit and I can feel my eyes filling with warmth at how much... _younger_  he looks like this. Even the bickering duo get more lighthearted with their jabs at each other, as though they can feel the lighter atmosphere.

Things continue in that vein, with the occasional joke or bad pun only adding to the cheerful mood, until we reach a doorway with barely an hour to spare until the phase ends. It asks if we want to continue or stay here.

I recap the events in my head.  _'There's a disagreement between Leorio and Tonpa, and Gon presses the wrong button.'_ Sure enough, as the bastard and Leorio argue, Gon beeps the 'no' button, and we all go through with no deviations.  _'I'm getting too worked up about this, it's not that important.'_

Leorio looks really stressed. I sympathize and decide to try and comfort him. "Hey?" I tug on his sleeve.

His gaze turns to me, with all the exhausted irritation of a man who's used to not being taken seriously. "What?"

"I just wanna make sure you're feeling okay, man. You look kinda stressed." My concern must show on my face, because he turns away with an embarrassed flush on his cheeks.

"M'fine." He grumbles, not looking me in the eye.

I decide to tease him a little. I'm no saint, after all. "Kay~but if you need  _anything_ , you know who to turn to." He sputters at this, and I giggle, endlessly entertained.

**_‘You’re forgetting how I got here, aren’t you?’_ **

I squeeze my eyes shut and fill my mind with the sound of my friends’ footsteps, blocking out the voice.

We all squeeze through the door, and I begin to worry about how I can possibly guide everybody the right way without being obvious. I settle on my usual attitude, ‘go with the flow’, and place myself so that Tonpa is blocked from Leorio’s line of sight.

 _‘Gon comes up with his idea of breaking through the wall with barely seconds to spare...that’s too close for comfort. I have no idea if my presence will slow things down. I can’t afford to risk it. God, I hate stealing another people’s thunder. Bro-bro at least taught me some values, weird as he was.’_ I shake my head a little.  _‘Is, Allan. Not was. Is. He’s not dead.’_

We come to the (admittedly frightening) statue, which emits a male voice.  **“This is your final test. Press O if you are ready, X if you are not.”**

We make our decisions and the screen blips 5>1\. Of course, Tonpa pressed wrong, and I circle my arms around Leorio’s waist as he tries to jump at the Rookie Crusher. He almost pulls me over, but Kurapika hisses something at him and he stops before I can fall.

The male voice continues, indifferent to our dispute.  **“There are two doors. The first will require a forty-five hour long trek to the finish line. Conversely, the second will take only three minutes, however you will have to leave three people chained to this wall, or the path will not open. For the long path, press O. For the short path, press X.”**

“I’m gonna press X.” Leorio continues before anybody can get a word in edgewise. “I’m also not gonna be chained to that wall, so whatever we decide, I’m going forward. Period.”

I have to do something. He’ll waste valuable time if he continues like this. “WE ARE GOING TOGETHER! ALL SIX OF US!” Everybody’s eyes are on me now. I don’t think I’ve raised my voice that much in my entire time...here. Wherever ‘here’ is. “Leorio, I have an idea, and it’s going to work! Please please, press O! You can trust me!” I don’t sound very confident...

“Allan...” Leorio’s head begins to turn towards Tonpa, but I clutch desperately at his arm. “Don’t you look at him! You’re my friend! I trust you! I want to help you! Leorio, you know I wouldn’t lie to you...” Tears prick at the corners of my eyes and I trail off.

**_‘You damn liar.’_ **

It starts to go off on a tangent, and I can’t stop it without being conspicuous. I can feel warmth on my cheeks, and I know that I’m crying. “Please...let’s just...all go. Please...” I shamble over to the weapons stand, grab the heaviest-looking axe I can find, and slam it with as much force as I can muster against the wall. “We can just break down the wall to the short one. We can do this together.” I look beseechingly at my friends, and offer them a shaky smile. They all look quite surprised at my outburst, but Killua, Gon and Kurapika start to smile a little bit too.

I’ve gotten through to them.

 


	10. Consternation

We all step out into the room containing the remaining applicants.

Killua whistles lowly. "Hot damn, that was a hell of a ride!"

Gon hums in agreement. "I don't think any of us expected it to be a slide. Not that I'm complaining!"

"Awh, I wanna go again!" I tease. Leorio lightheartedly chides me, but he's barely containing jubilant chuckles himself. "You really saved our hides back there. Thanks, kid."

I frown in guilt, and try to redirect the gratitude. "Nuh-uh! Gon was the one with the idea, I kinda stole his thunder..." I trail off.

Leorio is visibly confused (again treating me to a simplified anime face, god that's still weird) and rightly so, since to his knowledge we hadn't even spoken in that room. "How?" Is all he manages to stutter out, more to himself than to me.

"Well, it's 'cause I saw-nevermind that, we all did it together and that's what's important!"  _'I'm really slipping into this 'oracle' thing, I might just start believing it myself.'_

 

* * *

 

Leorio blinked, Allan's whole demeanour had just shifted to that of a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. He didn't miss the tension in the boy's posture though, this was much bigger than a stolen cookie, and Allan knew it.

"I-I'm just...gonna go to the bathroom now. For a bit."

 

* * *

 

The boat gently rocked as it carried the small group of Hunter applicants to the next phase of the exam.

"Y'know, I'm kinda suspicious."

Kurapika turned to Leorio as he pushed tomatoes around his plate. "What for?"

"It's Al...don't you guys find it at all weird how he seems to know stuff before it happens? Like back with the pigs, and now in the tower?" Leorio shoved a small loaf of bread in his mouth and chewed awkwardly, fully expecting to be laughed off. Even  _he_  found it hard to believe that the little messy-haired kid who'd chattered so aimlessly the first time they met could be hiding something, even though all signs pointed to that being the case.

Kurapika simply shrugged, but the look in his eyes was easily readable, and it was unmistakably agreement.

"And get this; before we drew the numbers I caught him saying something weird, and then he went white as a ghost and changed the subject."

"What did he say?" Kurapika leant forward. His interest had been peaked.

Leorio relaxed, relieved that he really was being taken seriously. "Two things; that making the hole in the wall was Gon's idea, and that he already knew what'd happen before we even walked into that room."

The Kurtan boy almost dropped his fork in incredulity. "Are you insinuating that Allan is capable of precognition?"

Leorio flushed up to his ears. "N-no..well..." The thought had crossed his mind.

Kurapika slipped easily back into his usual, measured self. "Aren't you overthinking this? The exam's been difficult for everybody, especially him." He gently expressed.

Despite knowing the comforting intent behind the words, Leorio still felt stupid.

 

* * *

 

I listen apprehensively to my friends' conversation. My heart thumps erratically, even after Kurapika dispels Leorio's misgivings. "Lordy, that was close."

"Was it, now~?♥️"

"...I need to stop talking to myself."

"Whyyy~?♠️"

"Because people are gonna find out I can predict shit!"

"Now that  _would_  pose a problem,  _wouldn't it?_ ♥️"

...

.....

.......

"Eep!" I finally notice Hisoka behind me creeping. "How long've you been here?" I ask dumbly.

"A little while. I saw you, and I was bored, so I thought I'd just...drop in~!♠️" Purrs the man. He looks too smug. Just how easy am I to sneak up on?

Two particular experiences try to fight their way to the forefront of my mind, and I welcome one in so that I can push away the other. The voice, surprisingly, says nothing.

I muster up all the bravado I can reach, false and real. "Don't even think about teasing me! I know all your dirty secrets!" It's a stupid thing to say to Hisoka, simply because he has no shame, but I have no other leverage.

"Ooh, deaaar~. Blackmail.♥️" He sounds far too excited, and I can't suppress my disgusted shudder. Hisoka, of course, snickers at my discomfort and leans back on the railing.

The wound on his shoulder is very prominent, and I feel a chill running up my spine. I have no problem with blood (growing up with a brother like Alonzo, I could never afford to), but mangled flesh is a different story. So, obviously, I walk brazenly up to him and pat it like that kid from that animated Spider-Man movie bro-bro took me to see, retracting my now bloody hand immediately. "What happened to you?"

He looks taken aback.  _'Good.'_   I pry the sticky fabric from the wound. The coagulated blood tugs somewhat, but he doesn't even wince.  _'Not so good.'_   "Been been playing with knives, Mr. Magician?" I catch the word 'clown' before it can leave my lips. "Why the hell haven't you treated this already? Are you that crazy?" Some distant part of my brain calls for me to shut up, but it's too late. If I can piss him off, I probably have already.

Hisoka's eyes are drawn to my injured arm, which I had all but forgotten about.    
"What a nasty  _bite_.~♠️" He dismisses my words with his usual flippancy. I can feel the blood drain from my face at the memory of the woman.

"I-I'll go get a first aid kit!" I nervously retract my arm from his grip (it hurts) and skitter away. I find what I'm looking for almost immediately, but I take a few extra minutes to catch my breath. When I come back, he surprisingly hasn't gotten bored and wandered off.

I unhook the lid of the box and instruct Hisoka to remove the torn shirt. He complies and I know that he knows that just his presence sets me on edge. He doesn't even have to try. In the middle of my internal monologue, I notice that his Spider tattoo is still there.

"Oh! You forgot to take your tattoo off again...please don't show this to Kurapika."  
I half-curse my mama for instilling good manners in me, and half-worry about Pika's mental stability.

 

Hisoka smirks.

"You always have a smirk for anything I say or do, dont'cha?"

" _Well,_  perhaps I simply find you... _interesting._ ~♥️"

"*gehk*" I (somewhat) fake gag. " _Well,_  perhaps I'm already  _taken_ , so perhaps you'll have to try harder!"  _'Am I seriously flirting with this weirdo?'_   I start to get uncomfortable with the silence (among other things) and stand up, intending to return to the creep-repellant that is Killua's presence, but Hisoka pulls my uninjured wrist so that I fall back into him. He winds his arms around me (it makes me nauseous) and firmly grasps my jaw.  _(too close)_  His face is barely inches from mine,  _(too close)_  my heart jerks-

"I'm my own man,  _little one._ ~♠️"

I can't blink. I can't  _breathe-_

"When I find something I like...I make it  _mine_ , taken or no~♥️"

He lets  _go_ , and I stumble backwards until I hit the wall behind me, dropping the nondescript white box onto the floor. Hisoka remains sitting, nonchalantly leaning against the railing. Smiling in a way that would be soft on any other face, but on him looks like  _needles._

I run.

 

* * *

 

Killua gracefully uncrossed his legs and rose to his feet, stretching his arms out above his head. "Well, best of luck to the both of us, I guess."

Gon nodded and grinned up at his friend. "Take care!"

The pale boy sauntered out of the door and meandered through the ship, keeping an eye out for Allan.

"Uff!"

"Al?"

 

* * *

I tilt my head up to meet my friend's eyes.  _'Am I seriously a whole head shorter than him?'_    "Killua!" I throw my arms around his torso and he gingerly pats my back.

"What happened to you?"

A small, sensible part of me mumbles about an unpleasant undertone to his voice, but I couldn't care less. I bury my face into his collarbone, despite how sharp and uncomfortable it feels. The warmth is still just as comforting. "I was looking for you...'Pika and Oreo're eating, 'n I di'nt wanna both'r 'em..." My voice becomes thick and slurred from rapidly setting in fatigue.

Killua awkwardly half-hugs me as he leads me to one of the small rooms, gently guiding me into a plush chair which I collapse bonelessly into. Before my head can loll back though, I catch sight of my feet, which are filthy and swollen. I'm distantly disturbed by the sight, but just can't find the energy in me to take a proper look at them.

Killua, of course, notices far more keenly. "Why haven't you told anybody about this?" He picks one up, and I know he's trying to be gentle, but..."Ow!" He sharply retracts his hand and holds it by the ankle instead.

<><><><><><><><><><>

 _'Oh god, just look at this...They're blistered, and some of the cuts are uncomfortably deep...he's barely even walked, and this is what happens to him after a little moss and concrete?'_ Killua didn't know whether to be annoyed or concerned.  _'_ _Al clearly doesn't do much of anything...he's weak and brittle and...soft...I don't think I've ever seen someone quite this fragile. As though, with even the slightest application of force, they'd shatter...tear, like gold leaf...'_ And, for the first time, Killua really  _saw_   Allan. He was pallid, the rosiness from his complexion gone. His clothes were worn and grimy, and there were even some small holes and tears on the cloud-patterned blue fabric. The bandages on his arm were loose and stained, and his eyes were droopy and unfocused. Al wasn't gonna make it on that island. Not on his own.

_'Who are you? Where did you come from? Why are you here?...why...why do I...'_

"Hey, Killua?"

He looks up to meet his  **lo** _-friend's_   eyes.

"Hisoka knows."

...

.....

.......

"...What? How?" It takes Killua a few moments to string the sounds that had been thrown at him into words. His heart starts to race as he shakily gets to his feet. First his brother is here, somewhere,  _watching_ him, and now this  _fucking creep_ knows about Allan.

<><><><><><><><><><>

"Back in the Forest, I met him and I kinda said a few things that I shouldnt've. I'm sorry...I forgot myself."

He's giving me the  _look_.  _'He looks like mama when she's about to launch into a lecture, only scarier.'_   "B-but He hasn't told anyone, I think! A-and he's...stopped trying to do weird stuff..." Even I can hear the lie in my voice.

"What stuff."

"Killua-"

_"What stuff?"_

Killua is looming over me, silhouetted against the ceiling light. I can feel my throat beginning to tighten.

**"What. Stuff."**

"Eep!" I can't conceal the fearful little yelp I make as I recoil. I look down at my dirty feet, my exhausted brain whirring in confusion and my eyes burning. "I had to...okay? I didn't have a choice. I wouldn't let him do things like that now..."

 _' **You already have.'**  _The voice sounds just as tired as I feel.

I'm hiding my face in my knees, but I crane my neck up to look at him.  _‘He looks so much bigger from down here...almost like. **..like.**..’_

I feel a new kind of fear. My head spins, and I realise I’ve stopped breathing. My lungs  _burn,_ the panic that my tiredness had started to win out against returns in full force, my pupils dilate, and I know that I need to say something to him, but I don’t know  _what-_

“S-ssuh-sstop-p...p-puh...please...p-lease d-dohn’...” My irregular breaths cut off my words. I feel like a five year old. It’s humiliating, and knowing that makes the sobs all the more painful as they wrench themselves from my throat. My feeble attempts to surpress them only serve to make them louder.

“Wh-wha’ coul-d I ha-ve do-done? I...I co-ouldn’t m-move...He’s s-soo sc-ary...” My heaving sobs wrack my body, forcing me to take choked breaths in the middle of words. The things I’m saying sound disjointed, and I know I’m only speaking to keep myself coherent.

I don’t even know who I’m speaking about anymore, Hisoka or  **Him**. Killua's face swims in my vision, although I barely register it, and I make a conscious effort not to blink, so that (I don’t have to look away from him) no tears fall. In my visceral panic, I urgently reach out to the voice, desperate to escape this one-sided breakdown.

It answers.

It surges forward. Up from the pit of my stomach, through my chest, and out of my throat, which aches terribly. And it speaks.

**“Nobody’s ever tried to touch me like that before!”**

 

It comes out as a cry. Like one of the rabbits Alonzo used to sacrifice. Pleading for mercy to an indifferent god.

The dark blur before Us abruptly moves forward, and We almost scream-

A soft warmth envelops me. It’s trembling, and I can feel a dampness seeping onto my skin. I can’t see Killua at all, but I know those tremors. I’ve experienced them all too often. I finally blink, and my tears add another sensation that I can focus on. I gently guide him to the floor, where I cry and he shakes and we both sit and weep and hold each other, just for a few minutes.

“You moron...you know you can tell me these things...” His voice is barely audible. He sounds like it pains him to break the silence.

I tighten my hold around his waist in response, and a few more minutes pass. Or was it seconds? This time, I decide to speak.  
“Why do you try so hard to take care of me? Aren’t I a bother?”

Of course, I have no way of knowing the mental uproar he’s thrown into as my question reaches his ears, the same question that-  _“...A bother?”_

 

“Don’t say that again.”

 

And I know it goes deeper than just ‘don’t sell yourself short’ as Killua seems to shrink into himself, as though startled by his own volume.

“Just...please don’t.” His voice has regained that breathy quality. I draw back to look at his face, and he looks so... _unlike_ himself that I can’t help but start to cry again.

 _‘I know I’ve upset him...but...just this once...’_   I fling myself at him and wind my arms around his shoulders.

 

“O-oi! Get off me!” He seems back to normal. My smile threatens to sprain a muscle.

“Nooo! I want more cuddles!” I put on my best ‘whiny little girl’ voice and try to push Killua over, which, unsurprisingly doesn’t work. Instead he drags me to the floor and we roll around and giggle for a while. But when I try to wrap my arms and legs around him to trap him, he scrambles away and slips hurriedly out of the door.

 

I sit up and tilt my head slightly in confusion whilst Killua leans against the door and tries to calm his heart.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another snippet of information on dear Alonzo! Don’t worry, he’s not an abusive douche, just has some...weird hobbies.  
> -DaBestBagel


	11. Sleepdepriver

 

 

_‘Things are getting dire...what do I do?’_

"Killua...."   
I mumble my companions name, feeling both tired and jittery.  
We both have been aimlessly strolling around for almost 3 whole days with barely any time spent relaxing or even sleeping.  


"..."

Fairly put.

Killua hasn't been sleeping, rather he's been doing all the walking ever since we stepped of the boat.  
 Killua had found Leorio who kindly wrapped my feet with balm and another set of bandages.  
Then directly after that, Killua had insisted on me  _not walking around_ , not willing to chance my wounds getting infected. No amount of whining or protests could rob the runaway assassin of his determination. And so, here I am. Perched on Killuas back whilst his skateboard was tied to my back.

"Killua, aren't you tired at all?" I concernedly ask for the twelfth time. "You should at least rest a little! I can keep watch, really."

Killua stopped walking for a second.  
"It's not necessary...I already told you I can go without-"

"-For three whole days, I know! But it's day two and you didn't sleep properly before at that tower! Don't you know your brain get dumber with that kind of crazy sleep deprivation?" I interrupt before he could give me the same speech about being an invincible superhuman.

"Come on Killu~ only for an hour or two! please?"  
I use my cutesy tootsie voice to sway his resolve, it doesn't seem to work at first but he sighs and gives me the word I had been waiting for.  


"Fine"

He walks over to one of the larger trees in the area and sets me down before he himself sits and leans against the soft moss covered trunk.

"Twenty minutes and then we'll continue" 

I light up and nod.  


"But!”

I deflate.

"If you see anything, if anyone comes close to us or tries to talk to you, wake me up right away."

I nod furiously. "I will!" I say and quickly turn around to keep watch.  
_  
_

_‘Twenty minutes? hah! that's nothing...I can wait a little more and let him sleep even longer!”_

I grin at my plan.  
Killua relaxes slightly and closes his eyes to rest.  
He knows that someone is watching them from a fair distance but that their presence is clumsy and all over the place.  
A small fry that thought they had the upper hand. Even Al would be able to spot them before anything serious could happen...

 

* * *

______ Allan sits patiently next to Killua and when he gets bored, he starts counting and pulling grass.______

I’m almost dozing off myself when I notice movement in the bushes ahead. A rabbit?

The shrub beside one of the closer trees rustled again and I sit up to see it better. I don’t want to wake Killua if it’s only an animal after all, so I move to stand and step a little closer. Not so close that it could immediately pounce, of course, but close enough.  


I notice the outline of a person way ahead and freeze.  
Backing away, I pick up a rock and fling it into the bush. It hits someone with a good hard thud. The someone grunts.

"Killu-!"  
Much to my horror, there’s a third person sneaking closer, barely 20 meters behind the tree Killua was resting on!  
"Behind you!" I rush to his side but the man in the bush charges,  cutting me off from reaching Killua.  
"Go away!" I snarl at the men.

The one closest to me grinned.  


I sighed "Just go away before Killua gets cranky." I recognize them from the show, The Amori brothers...naturally their fate is already set.  
They don’t appear to understand my kind offer.  
One grabs me by the scruff of my shirt, picking me up. Spewing some stuff about how the ‘visage of his victim doesn’t matter at all’.

Standard issue villain speech.

" _Moron_..."  
Killua is standing behind the brother.  
The other two look fearfully shocked at how Killua had seemingly teleported from sleeping to standing behind the man who is holding me aloft.  


“You might wanna put me down now"   
The Amori brother does as he’s told, shaking.

I give Killua a concerned frown. "Only fifteen minutes? Just look how tired you are!"  


Killua huffed "Who's the tired one? That fifteen minutes was more than enough." 

I pout.  
"You know I just want you to rest out of the kindness of my heart Killua!"  
Killua blushes but pulls himself together once I point at the specific Amori brother holding Killua's tag.  
"You’re welcome." I sass. Killua simply smirks, conjuring his sharp knife hand.

"Don't move. My fingers are sharper than any knife."   
Killuas features sharpen, almost snakelike in their ferocity.  
The Amori brothers clearly can’t compete with that so they’re left running away tagless.

I giggle. “Look at them run, Killua."  


Killua plays with the tags acquired from the brief exchange.  
He tosses me a random tag "This is yours isn't it?"

I caught it and smiled sweetly. "Thanks, so what do we do with the rest?"  


Killua looks at the remaining two. "Well, since we don't need them..." He flings them away.

I look on as they slice through the air, thinking about Gon and the others. "Killua? should we go and see how the others are doing?"  
Killua turns to look at me. "you mean Gon and those two?"

I giggle.  
"Ah, Killua..." I shake my head.  
He seems to think about it and looks at me, obviously a little worried, but I shake my head “They’ll be okay." I affirm. “I'm just kinda worried about leaving Gon alone for a long period of time is all."

"But they won't die?"  
Killua asks, I think about Leorio, Kurapika and Gon and their trials. A mysterious peace washes over my face.  
"They won't" I confirm.

Killua blinks.  
The question is about whether he should go or not.  
What should he do when presented with this dilemma?  
He feels he could finally begin to understand how Al works. He turns to Al, who is preoccupied with staring away into the distance, presumably to where the others are probably struggling. It leaves a bad taste in Killua’s mouth. It makes Al feel distant and far away. As though he wasn't here, even though he’s standing right there. As though he might leave any moment and never come back.

Killua stalks up and picks Al up into his arms, tightly holding him to his chest.

"K-killua?" Al stutters and tries to wrestle free. "What are you doing?"  


Killua says nothing but "Then...let's stay here.".

"Huh?" Al is befuddled by Killua’s sudden clinginess.  


Killua ignores Al's questioning tone. "...Stay here..." Is his only response.

_‘Just what is going on?’_


End file.
